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Even though Steve smiled again and told me it was okay, something told me it wasn’t. Steve could pretend he was fine, but he was a terrible liar. Before I could say anything else, he walked to the door and opened it, allowing Rory to plunge in. I smiled at the boy, before turning my attention back to Steve. I opened my mouth to say something, but before anything left my throat, I felt Rory pulling at my shirt. Confusion was written all over my face when he dragged me out of the room, leaving Steve by himself. Once in the hallway Rory let go of me, though he immediately started walking towards his room. ‘Dude!’ I called out, jogging after him. ‘What the hell?’ Rory stopped and turned around. ‘What?’ he said, with his innocent, blue eyes almost staring into mine. ‘Well, to begin with: you didn’t even say ‘hello’ to Steve and you didn’t even let me say ‘goodbye’ to Steve.’ I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for his response, to which I was very curious. ‘Oh, come on, Tony,’ he started. ‘Don’t you think you’ve spent enough time with that Rogers?’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ My obviously offended voice came out higher pitched than expected, but I couldn’t care less. ‘You really don’t see it, do you? The past two months you’ve been all over him! Do you even remember the last time we spoke? Like, together? Without that-‘ ‘Don’t go there, Rory,’ I warned him. He gave me an apologetic look, before continuing his little rant. ‘You’ve been neglecting me completely. And not just me, all of your friends. We miss you, Tony! We miss your rather twisted though genius mind. We miss the way you turn everything into a joke and how you seem to know everything better than us.’ Guilt filled my mind completely. How could I not have noticed? ‘Rory, I’m sorry... but, why didn’t you just tell me?’ I asked quietly. ‘Because... you looked so happy and I didn’t want to ruin that. And because of... never mind. You’re right, I should’ve told you, but-‘ ‘What did you want to say?’ I interrupted him. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked, avoiding my look. ‘You were going to give me another reason. Tell me that reason,’ I commanded. ‘Well...’ Rory suddenly looked even more nervous than a few minutes ago. ‘Steve’s just...’ He sighed. ‘Every time I talk to you, laugh with you or even look at you, he glares at me like he wants to shred me to tiny little pieces. It rather scary, actually...’ He was still avoiding my look, while in my head my thoughts went everywhere. Was what Rory just told me, true? Why would Steve act like that? Something inside me kept on screaming it wasn’t true, but Rory was my best friend, he wouldn’t lie about something like that, would he? Rory seemed to noticed my confusion and walked towards me. He put his hands on my shoulders and our eyes finally met again. ‘I’m sorry, Tony, I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s forget about it, I’ve still got some whiskey in my room. Come on.’

Once we got to Rory’s room and had settled down, I noticed a couple of things. One; Rory’s personality had changed, big time. When I first met him, he was naive, innocent, cute even. Now he was some sort of monster; smoking, drinking, swearing. He actually reminded me of myself a bit, from the time before I met Steve. Second; we were not alone and most certainly not doing homework. Two other guys, who I didn’t even know, were here as well, drinking, smoking and swearing as well. They made me feel very uncomfortable, especially because the blonde kept staring at me. ‘Rory?’ I said, a tad nervous. ‘I think I’d better get going.’ I already got up from where I was sitting besides the blonde on Rory’s bed and walked towards the door, when Rory grabbed my upper arm and pulled me back. This was the second time he did that, but I wasn’t any less surprised or, should I say, angry. ‘Come on, dude,’ Rory slurred. ‘Stay! You haven’t even drunk any scotch yet!’ ‘I have, two glasses, in fact,’ I pointed out. ‘Please?’ Rory tried to make a puppy-eyes face, but failed miserably. I sighed, a bit longer wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? I silently walked back to where I sat before and another glass of scotch got pushed into my hands. The alcohol burning my throat didn’t taste as good as it once did, but it loosened me up and somehow I was glad it did. Slowly I was able to laugh with and at the guys, slowly I got back to who I once was and at one point, things became a little... different. 

It felt like all the alcohol got sucked out of my blood, when my boyfriend Steve dragged me away, but instead of clearing my thoughts, it only made things worse. The blissful, warm feeling that had spread over my body – caused by the alcohol - went as well, leaving me a trembling, scared mess, trying to keep up with Steve. My wrist hurt, my head hurt, hell, everything hurt. My vision had gone blurry, because of the tears that formed in the corners of my eyes. No rational thoughts came to my mind, just loads of profanities, to nothing and no-one in particular. I didn’t really catch what happened next, ‘till I felt this cold wall slamming against my back, something I was sure would leave bruises. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and groaned in pain. A moment after that I wished I had kept my eyes closed, as Steve’s fist neared my face with a dazzling speed. I turned my head away in reflex, though knowing it wouldn’t matter. I waited a moment, but nothing came, except the sound of the piece of wall next to me, that got crushed by the enormous force Steve used. While opening my eyes slowly, from which a couple of tears slid down my cheeks, I looked the other way around, towards the hole and I was shocked – that could’ve been my head, for crying out loud. My head then snapped up, staring in Steve’s eyes. ‘HOW COULD YOU?!’ he yelled. ‘How could you?’ The soft, though angry tone in his normally energetic voice broke me. The few tears from just then increased to a small stream of them. ‘Steve,’ I whispered, trying to calm him - and myself - down. ‘I’m sorry, I am! Please, just... give me another chance. I promise; I can be more than just a smart slut!’ I practically begged the man. It was then when I noticed Steve’s hand and my face scrunched up in horror. I didn’t dare reaching out to his damaged and trembling fist, afraid to hurt him or screw our relationship even more.

My eyes widened further – if that was even possible – and my shoulders started shocking.  Not only the alcohol had seemed to be sucked out of my veins, my strength had gone as well. I knew that trying to stop Steve again was a hopeless enterprise and I slid down de hard wall, ‘till I just said there, my knees pulled up to my chest, arms wrapped around them and my chin on top of them. After a little while I couldn’t bear staring to the door Steve had disappeared through. Instead of resting my chin on my knees, I now let my forehead lay there. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, though loads of tears could still escape from my eyes. Why did I always have to screw every damn thing that was precious to me up? How could Steve have ever lived with me in the first place? Why couldn’t it be as easy to love me, as to love Steve? Then, suddenly, my head snapped up at the sound of the door opening again. The little hope I had it was Steve, coming back for me and forgiving everything, went away quickly, as I saw a way smaller figure walking into the cupboard. Rory. The asshole that got me into this shit. That accusation didn’t come to my mind that very moment, though; all of my thoughts were occupied with Steve, Steve, Steve. ‘Tony?’ Rory said softly, while I just stared at him. ‘Look,’ he started and he sat down next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder, which, somehow, made me feel very uncomfortable. ‘I don’t know exactly what happened, but-‘ ‘He dumped me,’ I interrupted him through my sobs. ‘Oh,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m sorry, dude, but you know... he wasn’t worth you anyways, you’re better off without him.’ This only made me cry more. I wanted to tell him to stop it, but nothing that came out of my mouth was audible, because of my cries. ‘I’m not,’ I managed to choke out. ‘You are! I mean, he’s been trying to change you, don’t you see? He won’t even let you have a little fun!’ ‘That’s not true! He’s put up with me long enough, and... he always told me I am perfect.’ Those memories put this tiny, little smile on my face and I calmed down a bit. I lifted my hand and rubbed my temple for no reason. ‘Well then, Tony, tell me: if you’re as perfect as he claimed you are, why isn’t he here? Why would he let you feel like this? Why would he run away, leaving you here in your misery? This is his fault, Tony, face it!’ ‘Shut up!’ I then suddenly yelled. ‘SHUT THE HELL UP!’ I immediately got up, took a last – disgusted – look at my former friend and ran away from him. I didn’t care, nor knew where I was going, I just wanted to get far, far away from that ratbastard. Without realizing, I ran towards my own, though shared, room. The room I had been sharing with Steve. I slammed de door behind me and leaned against it with closed eyes.

For some reason, Tony had thought everything would be easier once he got back to his own, quiet and familiar room. For some reason, he expected the small chamber to be empty and silent, peaceful even. He anticipated lots of things for some reason, but he did most certainly not foresee the blonde, sitting on his bed. The man didn’t even cross his mind once since Rory had said those... those terrible things. Tears were still travelling down his cheeks, though his sobs were a wee bit less heartbreaking than they were before. ‘Tony...’ Tony’s head snapped up at the small voice. Steve’s words hurt the brunette, al lot. In fact, it made him feel more hurt than anyone had ever hurt him before and more broken than anything had ever broken him before. How could he ever think such thing? Not only did it seem very improbable that Rory would fall in love with him – they had been best friends for years, for crying out loud – but no-one could ever make him feel the way Steve did and he would literally die if he wasn’t around. He didn’t quite notice his yaw dropping during the speech and he found himself at a loss for words, which used to be rare, but seemed to get more and more common lately. He wanted to stop the man from moving up and down the room, collecting his belongings, though he couldn’t find the strength. Tony felt like dying on the spot, like no feeling could ever compare to this misery and like nothing could stop it from breaking him from the inside. ‘Steve...’ he whispered, but the voice that came out of his mouth wasn’t his. It cracked, even though the lad’s name was only one syllable and it sounded hoarse, like he’d just been screaming for hours. ‘Don’t... don’t beat yourself up for this. This is my entire fault, I’m sorry, I really am. It wasn’t worth it and I’m sorry.’ He unconsciously moved his hand to his hair and intertwined his fingers with the strands, then pulled slightly, continuously chanting those same words over and over. Still pulling his hair and with a lot of apologies, he slid down the door – again – until he was once again seated on the cold, hard floor. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly and he trembled like a leaf. Every part of him screamed for silence in his brains. He wanted to just curl up next to a roaring fire, like he’d do in the old days, those days where his dad hadn’t talked to him for a week – sometimes even longer – and all he wanted was a comforting hand on his back, reassuring him that everything would be fine and all would be okay. Though it wasn’t there; the hand never came and would never come, not as long as he’d screw everything up. ‘I am so, so sorry, Steve. I’d understand if you’d never want to see me again,’ – his father didn’t either; it wouldn’t quite surprise him - ‘But... I just want you to know,’ he choked on his sobs a little, before taking a deep breath and finishing the sentence. ‘I want you to know... that I love you.’ After those words he closed his eyes, slightly afraid for Steve’s reaction. It could be anything, though what he was scared most for, was silence. The complete and utter silence his father used to force upon him to deal with, not considering how much it’d damaged Tony over the years, not even thinking about the poor boy’s heart. Mixed feelings were stirred inside of him. It felt odd to tell someone you love them, especially when you hadn’t spoken those words aloud in years, but then again, it felt great, amazing, like the misery could actually end, all that was needed, was a little push in the right direction.