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Whenever I’m all alone in my room, my mind’s crammed with everything that’s ever been said to me, flicking through the insults, vicious words and threats again and again. Darkness fills the room as well as my thoughts. Gravity loses control over my mind, but fights down my body. My body collapses on my room’s  dark coloured timber floor, my mind however remains floating in its with witlessness packed infinite darkness. After a while my eyelids obtain the strength to open themselves, giving my pupils full access to the sharply bright sunlight entering my room though the large window on the west side of our Victorian house. I sit up straight, going the extra mile to keep my body from shaking as an addict in withdrawal. For a moment, my mind’s empty. No harsh words, no death wishes, no pain. Unfortunately, this pacific moment lasts for only a short period of time and is replaced by Amy’s last words aimed at me. “You’re a useless piece of crap. How could you ever consider yourself worthy of living? Don’t you see how your presence ruins all our lives? How can you be such a selfish piece of crap? We’re all better off if you’d just take your own life and piss the fuck off. ” Tears spring in my brightly blue coloured eyes. I squint my eyelids, causing the tears to roll down my face, some of them ending up on my lips. With my tongue I go along my lips, savouring the salty taste of pain and wretchedness. After all these years I got used to this taste, it’s the only thing that makes me comfortable, the flavour has become my comfort-zone and therefore, I enjoy it. Pondering my thoughts, I become utterly unaware of the time passing by, connecting my body with my consciousness only a few hours later after hearing the buzzing sound of my phone letting me know I received a text message. However, it isn’t just one message, as my phone keeps on making this annoyingly muted noise again and again. Sluggishly I get up, making my way towards my bed in order to grab my phone from my pillow.

Brian added you to group chat “fuck off Anna”

Brian: u dead yet?

Jane: when r u gonna kill urself? dont let us wait this long whore

Amy: HAHAHAHA u guys are cool B en Jane!! Let her kno what a fucktard she is!!

Amy: u heard that she wanna be an actress in hollywood movies?? HAHAHAH as if she will ever be successful!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blake: guys the fuck u added me in this shit? Leave her alone, dont be such weenies man

Amy: shut ur face Blake cant u see how she makes our lives shittier with her ugly face?

Blake: the fuck u doin to anna den? dont u reckon u make her life hard?

Amy: Im actually aware of that you shitbag, thats the whole point of this group chat, making this bloody ass fuckface take her own life so we can live in peace again

Anna: Don’t worry, you guys won’t have to see my face ever again, you won

Blake: Anna! Dont u fucking dare doin that to urself, PLEASE DONT DO IT JUST DONT PAY ATTENTION TO THESE ASSHOLES!

Anna has left the group chat

Blake: THE FUCK HAVE U DONE U FUCKING SHITBAGS HOW COULD U DO THIS, SHES ‘BOUT TO TAKE HER FUCKING LIFE?????

Jane: thats about damn time

Amy: and again another example of hard work pays off

Jane: HAHAHAHA exactly, took that bitch 5 years to understand shes a worthless piece of crap

Blake has left the group chat

I fling my phone against my wall, my eyes drowning in a stream of tears. Without any hesitation I run towards my bathroom, filling the bathtub with water. I desperately search the cupboards, hoping to find my newly bought razors. The bathtub is almost completely filled with water when I finally find my razors, leaving an utter mess in the higgledy-piggledy cabinets behind. Whilst I grab one of the intensely pink coloured shavers, images of my family flash through my mind. I put the razor down and look into the quite dirty-looking mirror. Despite the dirtiness, my eyes manage to meet their reflection, staring at it, admiring their bright colour. However, the stunning colour of my eyes is crudely disturbed by dark circles surrounding my eyes, mirroring all the pain that’s captivated inside my body. I can't just leave them behind without any explenation..